Forgive by Remembering or Forgive by Forgetting: The Temporal Match Between Victim Motivation and Apology Gift Preferences

Gift giving involving a reparative motivation has received limited attention in the consumer behavior literature. However, using gifts to encourage forgiveness is so common there are websites dedicated to apology gifts, apology cards, and forgive-me gifts. There is even an apology gift buying guide in Shopwiki.com with suggestions for consumers based on the severity of the transgression: itty-bitty mistakes, big mistakes and absolutely massive mistakes. Their premise is that the severity of the transgression should determine gift selection. The other tip offered is that the more luxurious or decadent the gift the better. We agree that choosing the right gift may be a worthwhile investment as research has found that simple apologies are not always effective (e.g. Fehr and Gelfand 2010). However, we argue that the most effective type of apology gift is one that matches the temporal focus that is activated by the victim’s motivation following an interpersonal transgression. In other words, luxurious and decadent may not always be the answer. Consumer researchers have made a distinction between hedonic goods that induce pleasure and alternatives that are more functional/ utilitarian in nature and instrumental to achieving another goal (e.g. Dhar and Wertenbroch 2000; Kivetz and Simonson 2002; Strahilevitz and Myers 1998). Whereas hedonic alternatives are associated with the attainment of immediate pleasure, utilitarian goods provide delayed benefits and thus are conducive with a longer-term focus (Loewenstein, Read and Baumeister 2003; Wertenbroch 1998). Gifts offered as a form of apology following an interpersonal transgression, may also vary along this dimension such as offering the victim a voucher for an aromatherapy massage known to be a relaxing experience (hedonic gift) or a deep tissue massage know to relieve back ache and pain (utilitarian gift).